When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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