This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Less talking, more tequila
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
