Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
