if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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