it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
