My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just want to make out with him forever
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
