I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
