Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
