I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
