on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
