Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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