yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
