ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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