GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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