I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
