yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
