Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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