i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
