how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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