I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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