I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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