I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
