She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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