Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
