Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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