I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
