I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize