her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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