I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize