So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize