My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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