i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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