btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
