Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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