I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
