u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
