So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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