The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize