fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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