i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
