I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
nutella sex= disaster
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
