I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
