Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
