you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
