Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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