maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
