just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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