There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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