Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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