She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
