I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
