so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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