You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
there's paper in my vomit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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