Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize