Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Even my vagina gasped.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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