is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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