I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
