omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
