UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
