Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
