I'm so fucking centered right now
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
