I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
