Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
third nipple confirmed
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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