i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
