**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
