If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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