My brain says no but my pants say off.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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