she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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