I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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