tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
