I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
