You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
