apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
