From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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