Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
