I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
