things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
