that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
