And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
