and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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