I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
