At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
