whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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