Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again

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(518): View more from New York

Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?

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(970): View more from Colorado

You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.

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(239): View more from Florida

I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.

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(972): View more from Texas

Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!

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(203): View more from Connecticut

How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up

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