I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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